by Bob Shogren, M.Ed., Executive Director, Casa Grande Alliance
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, licensed clinical social worker, mental strength coach and international bestselling author who writes “Having a home that’s physically safe and sanitary is key when raising kids,” but Morin says it’s equally important to provide an emotionally healthy space.
Creating an emotionally healthy home:
- Design a space encouraging positive feelings. A well-organized space with natural light can go a long way toward helping everyone feel good.
- Establish rules. Rules are meant to keep everyone safe — physically and emotionally. Identify behaviors that aren’t acceptable. Establishing rules like “No name-calling” and “No yelling” can help everyone experience more emotional safety.
- Provide clear consequences. Consequences remind them you’re in charge. Deep down these give them a sense of security to know you’re going to keep them safe.
- Use ‘feeling’ words. Whether you talk about feeling sad the rain canceled your outdoor plans or you discuss feeling a little nervous about an upcoming presentation, initiating open discussions about emotions encourages everyone to share their feelings.
- Validate everyone’s feelings. Avoid dismissing your kids’ feelings at all costs. Saying things like “Stop crying” or “Don’t worry” tells them their feelings are wrong. Make it clear that whatever someone else is feeling is OK. Anger, frustration, sadness, embarrassment and fear are all acceptable emotions.
- Confront uncomfortable issues. It can be tempting to ignore uncomfortable issues — like someone’s lack of hygiene or a budding mental health problem. Ignoring the “elephant in the room” may make problems worse.
- Practice healthy conflict resolution skills. Disagreements aren’t bad, but using the silent treatment, yelling or making threats will crush the emotional health of any home.
- Reach for healthy coping skills. While food, alcohol and incessant social media scrolling might make you feel better for a minute, these coping skills are temporary. They can make things worse and introduce new problems.
- Provide everyone with time, attention, affection. The quality of time you spend together is more important than the quantity. Your family would prefer to have your attention for 30 minutes than to spend 60 minutes talking to you while you scroll through social media.
- 10. Talk openly about mental health. Make time to do things good for your mental health, like spending time in nature and talking to friends.
